Is the ill-tempered election cycle getting you down? Are you done with debates, sick of the scandals and pooped out on politics in general? Then come to Magicland on Tuesday and grab us by the party — the Election Exhaustion Party, a non-partisan Magicland bash!
Leave your party affiliations — and a low, low admission fee — at the front gate and have some politics-free fun for once in the last eighteen months. Ride a roller coaster that isn’t economic (but may still crash)! Get soaked by the Water Blaster — not the other side’s tax plan! Scream bloody murder on the Terrorizer, instead of at each other!
And don’t worry — Magicland has your favorite foods, no matter how you lean. Our Fry Anything stand will offer TrumpNuts — in-shell peanuts sprinkled in Cheeto dust and deep-fried. (They’re awfully hard to swallow, but you also don’t want to chew on them too long.) We’ll also have HillDogs — lukewarm corn dogs dipped in blueberry syrup. (They look sweet, but we’re not exactly sure what sort of meat is inside. Multiple investigations have gone nowhere.)
If those dishes don’t tickle your taste buds, we’ll have plenty of other options. Whether it’s Bernie Sanders’ extra-crusty fried chicken, a stein of green root beer or Aleppo a la mode… once we figure out what in the world that is.
And just to be clear, we at Magicland don’t have a bumper car in this race. The park rarely makes enough to pay taxes. We don’t get support from state or local government (no matter how many times we ask). And most of the staff can’t vote, because of felonies, and other… unpleasantness. So join us on Tuesday for the Election Exhaustion Party and have a blast. Four more years of Magicland!